we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
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During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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