I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm too high and old for this...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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