i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
