I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
And then he peed in my hair
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