I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
