i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
