Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
