I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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