I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
