is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
