You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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