How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
