Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
