Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
