Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
