This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
