I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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