so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
