Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
