How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so let's talk penis.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
And then he peed in my hair
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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