i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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