The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
