They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!