Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
