All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...