I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
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I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
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I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.