omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?