The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker