Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.