Texts From Last Night

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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?

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  (402): apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor. (717): But why'd she put it on the conveyor then? http://tfl.nu/v0cx
  Replies (4) Good night (2575) Bad night (533)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  let's bang

  (773): View more from Illinois

  You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.

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  (216): let's bang (773): You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no. http://tfl.nu/cr4i
  Replies (68) Good night (1426) Bad night (6371)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.

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  (513): no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party. http://tfl.nu/53gh
  Replies (17) Good night (1827) Bad night (2499)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step

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  (781): I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step http://tfl.nu/hwjf
  Replies (24) Good night (3378) Bad night (586)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy

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  (775): How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy http://tfl.nu/hobw
  Replies (7) Good night (1083) Bad night (2547)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.

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  (773): Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important. http://tfl.nu/scnm
  Replies (3) Good night (1335) Bad night (618)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil

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  (507): I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil http://tfl.nu/ueg4
  Replies (7) Good night (900) Bad night (1640)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs

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  (905): Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs http://tfl.nu/mr8m
  Replies (18) Good night (1295) Bad night (865)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.

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  (313): At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday. http://tfl.nu/fpxj
  Replies (4) Good night (1401) Bad night (451)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.

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  (502): Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room. http://tfl.nu/s5zk
  Replies (4) Good night (1533) Bad night (888)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.

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  (503): Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals. http://tfl.nu/1rao
  Replies (6) Good night (830) Bad night (410)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.

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  (512): My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes. http://tfl.nu/b90a
  Replies (1) Good night (1107) Bad night (367)
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  (510): View more from California

  She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.

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  (510): She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again. http://tfl.nu/2r7a
  Replies (2) Good night (645) Bad night (944)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole

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  (206): I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole http://tfl.nu/tvcl
  Replies (2) Good night (675) Bad night (307)
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  (714): View more from California

  We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.

  (714): View more from California

  I'll wait.

  (714): View more from California

  It can also be a hat.

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  (714): We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock. (714): I'll wait. (714): It can also be a hat. http://tfl.nu/jio5
  Replies (4) Good night (656) Bad night (217)

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