I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
