this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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