I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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