He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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