i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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