they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
