is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
