the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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