I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
