Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So many bounce houses so little time
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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