I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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