I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
