it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
