I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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