He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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