you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
