Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
