Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
