Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
