I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
