Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
