Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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