I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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