Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
