He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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