Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she looked like the before picture.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
