i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
