i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize