Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
