If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize