Please, let me fuck your mom
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
