I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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