Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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