In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
