So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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