she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
