He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
