I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Less talking, more tequila
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
