My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we're making bets on your personal life
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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