My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
