You really coming over, don't trick.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Randomize
