hotel room ftw
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
don't judge my taste in strippers
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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