im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
